Kenzie's Innermost thoughts

 Well it's official, school started and it's only been maybe a month and I'm over homework. Where's the sign up sheet to say sorry I love the classes but the homework is too much so I'll just take my degree and go? Nah it's not all bad just the homework. My classes are fine and dandy and I have a couple friends which was a big worry that I wouldn't have any. My roommate is pretty chill so that's good.  I've had bad anxiety and that has not been good and I've missed a couple events because of it(dances are lame anyways)  I definitely still consider dropping out and moving and traveling the world, but then I remember that that costs money and to get money you need a job and to get a good paying job you need a degree which means i need to do homework. Does anyone actually like working in a group? I don't not really. Sometimes maybe if I know I won't be the only one doing everything. I'm in a group of 4 and I've done probably about 94

 I've had many over the years. Screaming and throwing myself on the floor when I was told no treats at the store, drawing death scenes..... I never claimed I was sane.  As I got older and more in love with stories and books, writing became my escape.  Id insert myself into stories aka fanfiction or come up with a clever character that I saw myself as.  If I ever publish a book, either I'm in it or someone I know is.  Sometimes struggles are the inspiration for my stories. It might be a story about moving around constantly running from some big bad and it relates to my current situation where it's moving to a new house, place, city, state, etc.  As I've developed my writing sense, I've become more sneaky with how I write myself or others in. I will start with the person and go from there maybe this person is short so I'll make them tall. Maybe they hate pineapple so I'll make them allergic. Maybe this person had a miscarriage or lost a child, then their child

 One of my worries as a child.  I won't make it to 16.  Now I'm scared it's 20

 I'm torn between school and moving. School or moving. Moving or school.  At this point I'm registered and have my schedule and financial aid for tution and just barely applied for housing which took pretty much what I had saved for my total housing costs just for the application fee and deposit. It feels ridiculous to pay a deposit for something I'm not living in yet. So back to square one of $0. Basically I have 3 months to save a few thousand dollars. On top of paying for bills. I work 2 low paying jobs that provide 2 small paychecks. I shouldn't complain. 3 months ago I didn't have a job. I didn't know what to do. I had gone to multiple interviews and gotten no response. I had thought I might go live in my car. I still think this.  Say I can do it, and earn the money for school I need. I move up there and go to school. Except now once again I have no job and still have bills.  I'm going to try to be smart. And pay a large sum for bills that way when I

 Since I was in about 1st grade I've had a journal... now how often I update it is a whole other story. Here is some random entries from my journals word for word. May 25, 2009 - Age 7 TUESDAY Soon we will move to Airazonena!  (There is a correction at the bottom on how Arizona is really spelled) June 7, 2009 - Age 7 Yesterday it was Brady's Birthday and my uncle Mike's Baptisim and my uncle Mike he did't have a baptisim when he was 8 and soon my dad will get a job.  (The last part is in reference to my step dad aka my mother's second husband, and also yikes, that's a little heavy for a 7 year old) Nov. 1st, 2009 - Age 8 It almost Thanksgiving. It the 26th of nov. I am 8 years old. So it 27 more days! (as you can tell, my math is a little off, unfortunately there is a tally thing showing I did indeed count the days to Thanksgiving.)  Sept 20, 2010 - Age 8 Dear Diary, In day (clearly there was something important but not quite sure what) June 14, 2011 - Age 9 Tod

 It's all in your head.  Thank God it's Friday cause Fridays are better than Sundays cause Sundays are my suicide days  I'm going up in a fucking drag  Why? Why do we worry  I've created a monster  Why do good girls like bad guys  The way you look at me when you're on your knees Just a few of the random song lines from different songs that have been playing on repeat all day today